Reasons to Kill Harry Potter By Lord V
by ipodrocker16
Summary: Everyone always assumes that I just want to kill Harry Potter because of the prophecy. WELL THEY'RE ALL WRONG. This is a list of reasons why I REALLY want Harry Potter to die.


First off, I must state that Harry Potter is annoying. And irritating. And an obnoxious twit. With a head bigger than a hippogriff. I hate the kid and all his 'bravery' and 'kindness' and 'love'. Bleh. People like that shouldn't exist in the first place. Because when they do, everyone else feels bad about themselves, apart from me of course. So technically I'm doing the Wizarding World a favor. You heard me. Favor. Something good. Lord Voldemort ain't so evil after all. (Yeah right.) So here it is. The epic list. The list of why I want Harry Potter's head mounted over my dining room table.

Reasons To Kill Harry Potter:

By Lord Voldemort, Supreme Ruler of All Magic and The King of Epic Awesomeness

Harry Potter keeps ruining my evil plans. All of them. Every single one. EVER.

He almost killed me. When he was a baby. How pathetic is that? I mean COME ON! I'm a powerful evil overlord! I've killed much much MUCH! greater witches and wizards than he is. Only to be defeated by a baby? It's bad for my rep.

I am Lord Voldemort. I kill people for a living. I bet if I suddenly stopped killing people, they would be more afraid than if I continued to. Which reminds me, I'll have to make sure to kill you muggles who dared to read this. Just an afterthought.

People worship him so much, it makes me sick. They should worship ME! I'm the charming, handsome, (apart from the baldness) AWESOME one!

Apparently the kid's "loved", as the great and powerful, oh so amazing, two zillion year old Dumbledork (Yeah I said it. Dumbledork. Ha. Take that Albus.) would say. So if Dumbledore says Harry should live, then I should kill him. To annoy the Dumbledorkasourus. Ha. I'm funny.

He's got great hair. If someone had told me when I made the horcruxes that it would make me go BALD, then I might of changed my mind. But nooo. Now I'm the ugly snakelike BALD weirdo! I could of at least had a mohawk. Mohawks and tattoos scream Lord Voldemort. Right?

He called me Moldywarts. That's just gross.

He's HARRY POTTER. It's my DESTINY to kill him.

The kid keeps slipping through my fingers! Every time! It's annoying how he always escapes. Lucky brat.

Potter speaks Parsletongue. Until he showed up, I was the only one who could do that! ITS MY THING! Parsletongueing is something cool! I LIKE COOL THINGS.

I need revenge. Lily and James escaped me 3 times. I have avenged 2 of those times, with each of their deaths. Now the third and final revenge will be on their son.

My secret wish. But I won't tell you about that just yet.

The stupid cat. I tripped on the Potter's cat when I went to murder Harry. Now I have a bad knee. Evil villains don't have bad knees! Stupid cat.

Boredom. I honestly have nothing better to do than kill people, since I'm supposedly in exile. Maybe I should just bomb Hogwarts, break into his room, kidnap him, and make him my eternal slave? Hmm... I'll have Wormtail work on that.

The scar is so dang cool! I want one like it, except then people would think I copied him. But if I kill him THEN get a scar, no one will accuse me of copying a dead guy!

Harry Potter calls me Tom Riddle. I HATE THAT NAME. Its even more humiliating then when he is as arrogant as to call me Voldemort! Show some respect! And terror!

He hangs out with mudbloods and blood traitors. And that oaf Hagrid. He always got on my nerves... People like THAT deserve to be expelled. As he was.

He has an owl. I've always wanted an owl. I enjoy birdwatching. It's a fascinating study.

The prophecy says neither can live while the otter survives. The thing is, I have no idea what this 'otter' is. Is it literal or a figure of speech? So I had Bellatrix start a search party to look for otters, as I must find this animal before Potter does. But before I send my trusted Death Eaters to go fishing in a river without magic, I think I will check with Severus to make sure he told me correctly...

The creep reads my mind. Ever heard of privacy? Or personal space?

I don't like Quidditch. I'm not good at sports, and detest those who are.

Should I tell you my secret wish? Another of the many many MANY reasons I want Harry Potter to meet a fateful (and preferably painful) end? Nah. I'm evil. So I'll make you wait longer.

Why does everyone bend the rules for special Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, The Obnoxious Twit Who Shouldn't Be Alive! Honestly! First years aren't allowed in Quidditch! Minors cant compete in the Triwizard Tournament! (Even if that was my doing...) Rules are rules. Even if he (almost) defeated amazing me, why should he get special treatment? It's enough to drive a man to St. Mungos!

He's in Griffindor. And if there's one thing I hate more than Quidditch players (Besides Harry Potter, but that's not my point.) is Griffindor Quidditch players.

I talked to Severus. Apparently I misheard him telling me the prophecy, as it was neither can live while the OTHER survives, not the otter! I used the Crutiactus on Snape for my troubles I took to find otters, then came and added this more substantial reason to my Potter death list.

I'm what the muggles call a neat freak, so his crooked glasses make me want to blast them off his face! (While I'm at it why don't I just blast his face off his face?)

Snape was in love with his mother Lily. So if Harry dies, Snape will be sad. I like making people sad. Also the red headed one and the mudblood girl will be sad too. So will the whole Wizarding World! This plan just gets better and better!

He's almost more famous than me. And that's just NOT gonna work. I want to be the most famed!

Potter is good, I am evil. Do the math.

SECRET WISH TIME! I have to kill Harry, because that has been my goal for who knows how long. Because I won't let myself move on to other things until I do this. My dream is to... Be a professional muggle tap dancer. And I can't do this until Harry Potter is dead. It's not that I don't like him or anything, (Which I don't.) it's just that I NEED him to die!

Well muggle ladies and gentlemen, you have the truth. Why I REALLY want to kill Harry Potter. So if you bring him to me, dead or alive, (preferably dead) I might (just might, absolutely no promises) not kill you. How kind of me. See? I am a merciful lord. Except for when it comes to Harry Potter. But you already know that. Don't even get me STARTED about why I want to kill Dumbledore!

THE END


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